New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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