I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
