hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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