Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
