Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
