Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
