I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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