my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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