i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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