so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
