i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
