I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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