i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize