so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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