so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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