As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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