I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it because I queefed?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
