you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
