We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
