just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
