Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
In America we eat man semen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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