im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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