So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
