Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
