My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
