I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
