So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
