I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
