I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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