okay pat passed out under dana's car
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
