did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
