omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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