I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your cock deserves a montage
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
