Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
