i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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