I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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