i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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