I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
