I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
