Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
