Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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