i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
