i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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