so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize