Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
