Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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