Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
