i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
