Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
