She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
