I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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