hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
