hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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