I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
