He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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