i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
