Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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