I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
