She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Even my vagina gasped.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
