I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
