The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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