You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
