Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
