Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
