Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
