Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
