Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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