On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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