I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
