My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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