lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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