youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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