Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
