Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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