$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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