Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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