the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I want is dick and wine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
