She is in my trunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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