Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize